Hi Sydney, I like that you give Pygmalion a reason to treat the statue like a human, as well as making him work to bring her to life. It makes him more likeable. Some of your sentences are a bit choppy, but the story flows well. You chose a nice picture for the website that fits the mood of the first story at least. Is it possible to change the background color for the page? I think it might look better if it were not stark white. I did notice that the font changes towards the end of the first story. I think the second font, the one without serifs, fits the overall theme better. Since you mention the subject of the first story in your introduction, are you going to keeping adding to it as you add other stories? I think that would be a good idea, since you'll have so many different kinds of stories.
Hey Sydney, first of all I really like what you did with the story, keeping most of the characters intact, mainly changing the body of he story. Simple plot twist like having her be a real woman and having to find a way to break the curse are great ways to change up the initial story, it even amplifies it in a way showing just how deeply the man loved the woman and would go to great ends to find a cure for her situation. The story in all is easy to read and stay engaged in. I think like myself you probably still need to get rid of the side bar in your blog post. Also I think that since your posts are inspired by Greek stories that your background could reflect that with images of the Parthenon or Mt. Olympus for example. Anyways it looks like your doing good and I enjoyed the read.
Hi Sydney! First off, I would like to comment on the plot of this story. It was really well thought out, and honestly, I think I like it better than the original story! I have never read it, but from reading your author's note, I really like your plot line better! This story did seem like it could have been a little longer as everything happened so quickly, and was hard to transition. But then again, the strong message you try to show in this story really shines through. I think near the end of the story, there is some discrepancy with the font and font size - you may just want to back and give that a quick fix! Otherwise, I really think you did a great job. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories, and come back and see any changes you make. Nice job!
Sydney, I like how you made the change of having it be a real woman instead of an ivory statue. This really adds a huge twist to the story and makes Pygmalion look like a hero since he was able to break her curse. I like how you had Pygmalion immediately confess his love for Purity and that she always felt that they were meant for each other. I understand that Purity was cursed, but I am curious to find out exactly how she got cursed. I feel like adding some background information on this aspect of the story would help the reader know her situation better. Also, what if you described the dream that Venus gave to Pygmalion? It would be a cool addition to the story because then we could see inside Pygmalion’s head and why he took those steps in order to break Purity’s curse. For your website, I like the banner picture you chose. The only thing I would recommend adding is a list of the stories you are going to have on your site as well as a small description for each.
I just got done reading the first post to your final project. Let me start off by saying you did a very good job of introducing your characters to the audience. The beginning of the post attention grabbing and a true pleasure to read. As I began to become invested as a reader into the characters, the story suddenly seems to streamline into the plot. I personally would have liked for the story to unravel a little bit slower so that I can savor the plotline and the triumphs of the characters. I think that this would make the story more rewarding and allow you as the writer to take advantage of the groundwork you have already laid. Also at the end of your story, it looks like your font changes a bit. As a side note, I think it would be cool if the full moon was caused by venus as a wedding gift or something of that nature.
From the first sentence, it looks like it would be helpful to have another set of eyes look at it merely for grammar mistakes. Maybe it would be less cliche to have him, instead of "passionately kiss" her, to comment about her lips and realize that she was the girl worthy of his heart. He didn't lose his senses, and no girl would have allowed him to do that to her upon their first meeting whether she was under a spell or not. Since he had been looking for her, it would be honorable for him to respect her as well as save her. The picture you chose sets the mood nicely for their first meeting on the beach in the moonlight, however. Your message in the author's note sounds like it hit home to you. You wanted the hero to work for his prize, be humble enough to ask for help, but also be driven enough to carry out the task.
Hi Sydney! First of all, I really liked your retelling of this story — much better than the original, in fact (I felt like the original was creepy, but this one made sense because Pygmalion and Purity fell in love first). One thing I noticed was that the story text is all in one block. I think it might read better if you were able to break it into smaller, shorter paragraphs. I also think the story might use a little more of an introduction — you say very early on that Pygmalion is looking for inspiration for an art project while walking on the beach. Maybe you could tell readers before that he's an artist and give them a sense of where he lives. Another thing I noticed was that your story might benefit from a bit more proofreading — there were just a few grammar slips! One thing I wondered about was why Pygmalion fell for Purity so quickly. I know you say she was flawless, but how? Is she intelligent, kind, beautiful — why does he think she's perfect? Other than those few little suggestions, I think your story was really neat and I'm looking forward to reading through more of your portfolio.
Hi Syndey! My first impression is wow that is a lot of reading, I think you would benefit from breaking it up into more paragraphs. I really liked your story because it made a lot more sense than the original story. I think the original one is a little weird that the sculptor fell in love with his statue. Instead your story has more of a "Sleeping Beauty" feel that the man is trying to break the curse for his lover.
I thought this story was really cool! I recently read another variation of the same story. I liked that one and your story a lot. I really appreciated the fact that you gave Pygmalion the sense of accomplishment when he freed Ivory. I think it is always cool when characters show initiative in getting things accomplished. I also really liked the fact that you changed the story by adding some more modern details like the boardwalk. I think it is great that you were able to maintain the original identity of the story while also making it your own. I wonder what would happen if the roles were reversed and Pygmalion was the one that is cursed! That would be an interesting story. I noticed that there was a different text format used in one of the sentences. You can fix this with the Tx button. Overall, you did a great job! I look forward to reading more.
Hey there Sydney, great start to your portfolio! I think you do a great job of taking the story for your inspiration and making it into your own version of it. You do a great job of describing the emotions felt in this story. The one major thing I had to say that could fix your overall layout of the site was that at the very end your font changes up a little bit and visually it would be more appealing if you had it all the same font. Your idea that you wanted to portray the idea that in order to get what you truly want, you and only you can be the one to make your dream a reality is a really great message and overall, I really liked that your story had a happy ending. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read your next story!
Hi Sydney! I really enjoyed reading your portfolio. I like that you already have a varied mix of story types, even with only two! Your site itself is nice and well organized. It was easy to navigate. The only recommendation that I would have there is maybe consider adding a few more pictures, just for color, but they're not entirely necessary. I read both of your stories. In The Statuette, I really liked the changes that you made to the original Pygmalion story. Making your character a woman who was turned into a statue was much less creepy, particularly since it was the actual woman that Pygmalion feel in love with instead of a figment of his own imagination. The moral was also great, that he had to ultimately do the work to make his dreams come true. The fable about the Dog and Tree was really cute and well written. It made me want to just pick up the puppy and cuddle him! I did see a couple of typos sprinkled throughout that story, though nothing too bad. There were a couple of simple things, like 'to' instead of 'too' and 'know' instead of 'no'. Other than minor editing mistakes, both stories were really good. They were well written and very enjoyable!
I really like the message of The Statuette (the one you talk about in your author's note!) I think it's super important for people to put in the work to get what they want in life. Your changes to the story were excellent and made for a great re-telling. If this were my story I probably would have written it in first person so my readers were even more connected with the story.
In your Dog and Tree story, you use the wrong "your" in the second paragraph, it should be "you're." Otherwise, I like this story a lot as well! The message is so sweet! My only question about this is about the tree. You said your setting was in the African Savannah but the Tree is a willow tree.. do willow trees grow in Africa? This kind of took me out of the story for a bit. That could just be me and I could be reading it wrong but I think it's worth checking out!
Hi Sydney! Just a warning, I'm writing this as I read you portfolio, so I'm sorry if it doesn't all make sense or flow. The first thing I noticed was that I got a little confused when I first got to the website. There was a read more button and I thought it would take me to the stories. I found the buttons for them after a few minutes, but I was a little confused. If you can, you might want to make them stand out a little more. I really like the statuette! I think Pygmalion normally comes off as creepy, but it was sweet that he met Purity as a human and then wanted to break her curse. Does this all happen over the course of one month? If not, it might be cool to add in something about the full moons that pass while he is working on breaking the curse, and what Purity has to say about it. The Dog and the Tree is also very well done. Charlie seems like a very lovable character and it was pretty cool to watch him find a friend. Like in the first story, I'm a little confused with the time frame. Was he born on one day, went to the zoo the next day, and met the tree on the third day? Some more detail might make that easier to understand. Other than that I really liked the feel of this story. As I was reading it I thought that it felt just like one of Aesop's Fables. Good job!
Hello Sydney, I read both of your stories and liked them both very much, especially the second one! I like the retelling in your first story and how you found a way for Pygmalion to break the curse on Purity. The story was short and sweet and it had a happy ending, which are my favorite type of stories. The second story of the dog and the tree was my favorite one. The beginning was sad but then once the dog met the tree everything changed. I do think you could maybe extend the story a little more or even describe the dog’s adventure a little more but I only say that because I really liked the story. The meaning of the story at the end was great. Today there is that issue about people getting judged by their appearance alone and that’s just wrong. I’m looking forward to reading your next story!
Hi Sydney! Let me just start out by saying that you had my heart in this story as soon as I saw the adorable picture of the puppies. After staring for the puppies for a solid minute, I got to reading your story. I love the way you started out with the setting of the story. It really allows your reader to picture your story taking place as they read. As I continued on, I was just waiting for something bad to happen to this poor pup. I thought maybe he would try to play with the wrong animal or something, and I am SO glad that did not happen. I was not expecting the tree to be the one to be his friend. Looking back, I now understand the title of the story. I really love that you held off the key point in your title until the very end as it really catches your reader by surprise (just like the tree caught the pup by surprise)!
Hi Sydney! Both of your stories are so creative, and I really enjoyed reading them. I like the way you reimagined the story of Pygmalion! I think that since he found her as a human in your version, he was able to love her as a real person. In the original, I felt like he didn't really love her, because she was only a statue to him until the very end. So, the way you reimagined it gave the story much more depth in my opinion! Also, I think it was a great idea to let Pygmalion break the curse himself rather than relying on Venus, and I like that you used that to create a moral for the story. I think the first line of this story is in a different tense than the rest of the story, so maybe you could rewrite the first sentence in the past tense.
I was so surprised to read the author's note of your second story to find that you came up with the story and the moral yourself! I like that you drew inspiration for the general form and characters from Aesop but completely went in your own direction. The story is adorable, and I was really rooting for the dog! If you're still looking to add anything, I think it would be cute if you described some of the animals from a dog's point of view. So, instead of saying lion and alligator, what if you described them the way a dog who's never seen other animals would see them? Again, I truly enjoyed reading your stories and I wish you luck finishing up your project!
Hi Sydney! You have a really interesting writing style, it is very creative. I really enjoyed your story, "The Statuette." You had some really good imagery. One thing that did standout about your project was the involvement of the reader, it felt like I was watching a movie when reading this. One thing to be careful about in the future is when copy and pasting from something to make sure that you have the same font. There is instances throughout your story where the text changes font. This really is not that big of an issue but it does distract a little bit from your writing. I really enjoyed reading your story!
Hey Sydney, Well First off I would like to say your Portfolio is really well put together. The lay out is great and the whole feel of the website is relaxed and matches the feel of the stories. For the stories themselves, I really though they were super great. The whole time I was reading I could just see the all of the images running through my head. It kept the story interesting. It was nice to read stories with endings that were not dark and morbid. I read some of the stories and I thought that they were really dark, but your stories are really happy and bright. You did a great job of giving the characters meaning and rewriting the story to your imagination. I think that you also did a Great job with the Author's Note, It really cleared up a lot of things and made the story make more sense if i became confused.
Hi there Sydney! It's so nice to meet ya! I like the 'chill' attitude of your portfolio. You used warm, calming colors and I thought that was pretty inviting! I am glad you put an introductory page at the beginning of your stories. Introductory pages are so crucial in my opinion, because they set the tone for the incoming reader. When there isn't one, I always feel lost as someone who is on a port olio for the first time. So maybe as you add more stories, you can expand on your introduction! Another thing I would recommend, while I said that the theme of your page was nice and calming, I feel like it is a good idea for the first/intro page only. With each page that has a different story, should come a theme that matches it. I have seen some where the pages look totally different from each other, and they matched the ideas of the stories. Maybe with a few different pictures, you could add this element as well. Happy Writing!
Hi Sydney! The background you chose is the same that I used for my blog!! I really liked it personally and I am glad you do it. Even though it was the one that was preloaded when I made my page lol.
I loved your story!! It made me feel really happy while reading it. Also I love that the dogs name is Charlie!! It made me picture the Charlie bit my finger kid the whole rest of the story.
It was so nice to see the tree and Charlie become such good friends! That was such a novel idea that I really like the best about this story.
I thought the changes you made were a great improvement on the original story and I am really glad you made them! It made the story so much easier to read and much more enjoyable! Great story!!
First off, I want to say that I really like the theme of your page. It is simple and organized and there is not too much going on. I really enjoyed all of your stories. Your writing style is very creative and I loved all your new ideas that you put into your writing. My favorite was the "Dog and Tree" story. I love a tale that has a life lesson at the end. A lot of the stories I remember from my childhood provided a life lesson and I like to connect to stories like that now. I loved that you had an animal, a human, and a plant all have different roles and characteristics in your story. I was not expecting the tree to start talking. It made me laugh! I guess I was reading it and thought that the tree would have a really deep and loud voice and he was talking to a litte puppy. Im glad the puppy wasn't scared of the big tree and they became friends! Everyone loves an unexpected friendship and I agree, don't be too quick to judge someone.
Hi Sydney! I must say that after reading your portfolio I was quite amazed! You did a great thing by leaving the main characters of each story the same, only changing the body of the story itself. This can be shown here in the first story of Pygmalion. I like how the characters were essentially the same except you turned the story around and twisted a few things such as making the girl an actual person who is cursed to turn to stone at the break of day. This is an amazing writing technique you used. I see that there is a different font used at the bottom of the first story and that may be by accident, but it could be changed to make everything fit all together. Also proofreading your portfolio could do wonders as I caught a few grammar mistakes that can be fixed quite easily! Overall I really enjoyed reading your stories and look forward to more of your writing!
This is my second time around reading your portfolio. I was excited to check out the stories that you have been working on over the course of the semester. I think you are a great writer, and it really shows with the amount of creativeness you use. I liked the most recent story on your portfolio a lot. I think that "The Book" had a really cool plot and storyline. I know that you are most likely finished with writing for the semester. However, I think there are some really cool things that you could do with that story. There are so many directions that you could take when writing the sequel. It would be really cool if you made Nathan and the Pharaoh become best friends. You could have Nathan teach him about the modern world. You could also make Nathan go down a similar path that the Pharaoh did. I think there are so many cool things that could happen there.
Hi, Sydney! I had read and commented on one of your stories. I saw that the story was included in your portfolio, so I decided to check out your portfolio and see what else you wrote. I had first read the tale of Pygmalion in this class but it had quickly become one of my favorites so I was excited to see that one of your stories was based on the tale. I really like that you had Pygmalion fall in love with her while she was human, it helped set the idea that he didn’t just love her because of her appearance. The concept of the curse was a nice way to incorporate some aspects from the original tale. I liked the moral of the second story and you can never go wrong with a story about a dog. I enjoyed reading your portfolio, you did a great job with these stories.
Hi Sydney,
ReplyDeleteI like that you give Pygmalion a reason to treat the statue like a human, as well as making him work to bring her to life. It makes him more likeable. Some of your sentences are a bit choppy, but the story flows well.
You chose a nice picture for the website that fits the mood of the first story at least. Is it possible to change the background color for the page? I think it might look better if it were not stark white. I did notice that the font changes towards the end of the first story. I think the second font, the one without serifs, fits the overall theme better.
Since you mention the subject of the first story in your introduction, are you going to keeping adding to it as you add other stories? I think that would be a good idea, since you'll have so many different kinds of stories.
Hey Sydney, first of all I really like what you did with the story, keeping most of the characters intact, mainly changing the body of he story. Simple plot twist like having her be a real woman and having to find a way to break the curse are great ways to change up the initial story, it even amplifies it in a way showing just how deeply the man loved the woman and would go to great ends to find a cure for her situation. The story in all is easy to read and stay engaged in. I think like myself you probably still need to get rid of the side bar in your blog post. Also I think that since your posts are inspired by Greek stories that your background could reflect that with images of the Parthenon or Mt. Olympus for example. Anyways it looks like your doing good and I enjoyed the read.
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I would like to comment on the plot of this story. It was really well thought out, and honestly, I think I like it better than the original story! I have never read it, but from reading your author's note, I really like your plot line better! This story did seem like it could have been a little longer as everything happened so quickly, and was hard to transition. But then again, the strong message you try to show in this story really shines through. I think near the end of the story, there is some discrepancy with the font and font size - you may just want to back and give that a quick fix! Otherwise, I really think you did a great job. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories, and come back and see any changes you make. Nice job!
Sydney, I like how you made the change of having it be a real woman instead of an ivory statue. This really adds a huge twist to the story and makes Pygmalion look like a hero since he was able to break her curse. I like how you had Pygmalion immediately confess his love for Purity and that she always felt that they were meant for each other. I understand that Purity was cursed, but I am curious to find out exactly how she got cursed. I feel like adding some background information on this aspect of the story would help the reader know her situation better. Also, what if you described the dream that Venus gave to Pygmalion? It would be a cool addition to the story because then we could see inside Pygmalion’s head and why he took those steps in order to break Purity’s curse. For your website, I like the banner picture you chose. The only thing I would recommend adding is a list of the stories you are going to have on your site as well as a small description for each.
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney!
ReplyDeleteI just got done reading the first post to your final project. Let me start off by saying you did a very good job of introducing your characters to the audience. The beginning of the post attention grabbing and a true pleasure to read. As I began to become invested as a reader into the characters, the story suddenly seems to streamline into the plot. I personally would have liked for the story to unravel a little bit slower so that I can savor the plotline and the triumphs of the characters. I think that this would make the story more rewarding and allow you as the writer to take advantage of the groundwork you have already laid. Also at the end of your story, it looks like your font changes a bit. As a side note, I think it would be cool if the full moon was caused by venus as a wedding gift or something of that nature.
From the first sentence, it looks like it would be helpful to have another set of eyes look at it merely for grammar mistakes. Maybe it would be less cliche to have him, instead of "passionately kiss" her, to comment about her lips and realize that she was the girl worthy of his heart. He didn't lose his senses, and no girl would have allowed him to do that to her upon their first meeting whether she was under a spell or not. Since he had been looking for her, it would be honorable for him to respect her as well as save her. The picture you chose sets the mood nicely for their first meeting on the beach in the moonlight, however. Your message in the author's note sounds like it hit home to you. You wanted the hero to work for his prize, be humble enough to ask for help, but also be driven enough to carry out the task.
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney! First of all, I really liked your retelling of this story — much better than the original, in fact (I felt like the original was creepy, but this one made sense because Pygmalion and Purity fell in love first).
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed was that the story text is all in one block. I think it might read better if you were able to break it into smaller, shorter paragraphs. I also think the story might use a little more of an introduction — you say very early on that Pygmalion is looking for inspiration for an art project while walking on the beach. Maybe you could tell readers before that he's an artist and give them a sense of where he lives.
Another thing I noticed was that your story might benefit from a bit more proofreading — there were just a few grammar slips! One thing I wondered about was why Pygmalion fell for Purity so quickly. I know you say she was flawless, but how? Is she intelligent, kind, beautiful — why does he think she's perfect? Other than those few little suggestions, I think your story was really neat and I'm looking forward to reading through more of your portfolio.
Hi Syndey! My first impression is wow that is a lot of reading, I think you would benefit from breaking it up into more paragraphs. I really liked your story because it made a lot more sense than the original story. I think the original one is a little weird that the sculptor fell in love with his statue. Instead your story has more of a "Sleeping Beauty" feel that the man is trying to break the curse for his lover.
ReplyDeleteHey there Sydney!
ReplyDeleteI thought this story was really cool! I recently read another variation of the same story. I liked that one and your story a lot. I really appreciated the fact that you gave Pygmalion the sense of accomplishment when he freed Ivory. I think it is always cool when characters show initiative in getting things accomplished. I also really liked the fact that you changed the story by adding some more modern details like the boardwalk. I think it is great that you were able to maintain the original identity of the story while also making it your own. I wonder what would happen if the roles were reversed and Pygmalion was the one that is cursed! That would be an interesting story. I noticed that there was a different text format used in one of the sentences. You can fix this with the Tx button. Overall, you did a great job! I look forward to reading more.
Hey there Sydney, great start to your portfolio! I think you do a great job of taking the story for your inspiration and making it into your own version of it. You do a great job of describing the emotions felt in this story. The one major thing I had to say that could fix your overall layout of the site was that at the very end your font changes up a little bit and visually it would be more appealing if you had it all the same font. Your idea that you wanted to portray the idea that in order to get what you truly want, you and only you can be the one to make your dream a reality is a really great message and overall, I really liked that your story had a happy ending. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read your next story!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your portfolio. I like that you already have a varied mix of story types, even with only two! Your site itself is nice and well organized. It was easy to navigate. The only recommendation that I would have there is maybe consider adding a few more pictures, just for color, but they're not entirely necessary. I read both of your stories. In The Statuette, I really liked the changes that you made to the original Pygmalion story. Making your character a woman who was turned into a statue was much less creepy, particularly since it was the actual woman that Pygmalion feel in love with instead of a figment of his own imagination. The moral was also great, that he had to ultimately do the work to make his dreams come true. The fable about the Dog and Tree was really cute and well written. It made me want to just pick up the puppy and cuddle him! I did see a couple of typos sprinkled throughout that story, though nothing too bad. There were a couple of simple things, like 'to' instead of 'too' and 'know' instead of 'no'. Other than minor editing mistakes, both stories were really good. They were well written and very enjoyable!
Hey Sydney,
ReplyDeleteI really like the message of The Statuette (the one you talk about in your author's note!) I think it's super important for people to put in the work to get what they want in life. Your changes to the story were excellent and made for a great re-telling. If this were my story I probably would have written it in first person so my readers were even more connected with the story.
In your Dog and Tree story, you use the wrong "your" in the second paragraph, it should be "you're."
Otherwise, I like this story a lot as well! The message is so sweet! My only question about this is about the tree. You said your setting was in the African Savannah but the Tree is a willow tree.. do willow trees grow in Africa? This kind of took me out of the story for a bit. That could just be me and I could be reading it wrong but I think it's worth checking out!
Great job! Keep up the good work!
Hi Sydney! Just a warning, I'm writing this as I read you portfolio, so I'm sorry if it doesn't all make sense or flow.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed was that I got a little confused when I first got to the website. There was a read more button and I thought it would take me to the stories. I found the buttons for them after a few minutes, but I was a little confused. If you can, you might want to make them stand out a little more.
I really like the statuette! I think Pygmalion normally comes off as creepy, but it was sweet that he met Purity as a human and then wanted to break her curse. Does this all happen over the course of one month? If not, it might be cool to add in something about the full moons that pass while he is working on breaking the curse, and what Purity has to say about it.
The Dog and the Tree is also very well done. Charlie seems like a very lovable character and it was pretty cool to watch him find a friend. Like in the first story, I'm a little confused with the time frame. Was he born on one day, went to the zoo the next day, and met the tree on the third day? Some more detail might make that easier to understand. Other than that I really liked the feel of this story. As I was reading it I thought that it felt just like one of Aesop's Fables.
Good job!
Hello Sydney, I read both of your stories and liked them both very much, especially the second one! I like the retelling in your first story and how you found a way for Pygmalion to break the curse on Purity. The story was short and sweet and it had a happy ending, which are my favorite type of stories. The second story of the dog and the tree was my favorite one. The beginning was sad but then once the dog met the tree everything changed. I do think you could maybe extend the story a little more or even describe the dog’s adventure a little more but I only say that because I really liked the story. The meaning of the story at the end was great. Today there is that issue about people getting judged by their appearance alone and that’s just wrong. I’m looking forward to reading your next story!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney! Let me just start out by saying that you had my heart in this story as soon as I saw the adorable picture of the puppies. After staring for the puppies for a solid minute, I got to reading your story. I love the way you started out with the setting of the story. It really allows your reader to picture your story taking place as they read. As I continued on, I was just waiting for something bad to happen to this poor pup. I thought maybe he would try to play with the wrong animal or something, and I am SO glad that did not happen. I was not expecting the tree to be the one to be his friend. Looking back, I now understand the title of the story. I really love that you held off the key point in your title until the very end as it really catches your reader by surprise (just like the tree caught the pup by surprise)!
ReplyDeleteHi Sydney! Both of your stories are so creative, and I really enjoyed reading them. I like the way you reimagined the story of Pygmalion! I think that since he found her as a human in your version, he was able to love her as a real person. In the original, I felt like he didn't really love her, because she was only a statue to him until the very end. So, the way you reimagined it gave the story much more depth in my opinion! Also, I think it was a great idea to let Pygmalion break the curse himself rather than relying on Venus, and I like that you used that to create a moral for the story. I think the first line of this story is in a different tense than the rest of the story, so maybe you could rewrite the first sentence in the past tense.
ReplyDeleteI was so surprised to read the author's note of your second story to find that you came up with the story and the moral yourself! I like that you drew inspiration for the general form and characters from Aesop but completely went in your own direction. The story is adorable, and I was really rooting for the dog! If you're still looking to add anything, I think it would be cute if you described some of the animals from a dog's point of view. So, instead of saying lion and alligator, what if you described them the way a dog who's never seen other animals would see them? Again, I truly enjoyed reading your stories and I wish you luck finishing up your project!
Hi Sydney!
ReplyDeleteYou have a really interesting writing style, it is very creative. I really enjoyed your story, "The Statuette." You had some really good imagery. One thing that did standout about your project was the involvement of the reader, it felt like I was watching a movie when reading this.
One thing to be careful about in the future is when copy and pasting from something to make sure that you have the same font. There is instances throughout your story where the text changes font. This really is not that big of an issue but it does distract a little bit from your writing. I really enjoyed reading your story!
Hey Sydney,
ReplyDeleteWell First off I would like to say your Portfolio is really well put together. The lay out is great and the whole feel of the website is relaxed and matches the feel of the stories. For the stories themselves, I really though they were super great. The whole time I was reading I could just see the all of the images running through my head. It kept the story interesting. It was nice to read stories with endings that were not dark and morbid. I read some of the stories and I thought that they were really dark, but your stories are really happy and bright. You did a great job of giving the characters meaning and rewriting the story to your imagination. I think that you also did a Great job with the Author's Note, It really cleared up a lot of things and made the story make more sense if i became confused.
Hi there Sydney! It's so nice to meet ya!
ReplyDeleteI like the 'chill' attitude of your portfolio. You used warm, calming colors and I thought that was pretty inviting! I am glad you put an introductory page at the beginning of your stories. Introductory pages are so crucial in my opinion, because they set the tone for the incoming reader. When there isn't one, I always feel lost as someone who is on a port olio for the first time. So maybe as you add more stories, you can expand on your introduction!
Another thing I would recommend, while I said that the theme of your page was nice and calming, I feel like it is a good idea for the first/intro page only. With each page that has a different story, should come a theme that matches it. I have seen some where the pages look totally different from each other, and they matched the ideas of the stories. Maybe with a few different pictures, you could add this element as well.
Happy Writing!
Hi Sydney!
ReplyDeleteThe background you chose is the same that I used for my blog!! I really liked it personally and I am glad you do it. Even though it was the one that was preloaded when I made my page lol.
I loved your story!! It made me feel really happy while reading it. Also I love that the dogs name is Charlie!! It made me picture the Charlie bit my finger kid the whole rest of the story.
It was so nice to see the tree and Charlie become such good friends! That was such a novel idea that I really like the best about this story.
I thought the changes you made were a great improvement on the original story and I am really glad you made them! It made the story so much easier to read and much more enjoyable! Great story!!
Hey there Sydney,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I want to say that I really like the theme of your page. It is simple and organized and there is not too much going on. I really enjoyed all of your stories. Your writing style is very creative and I loved all your new ideas that you put into your writing. My favorite was the "Dog and Tree" story. I love a tale that has a life lesson at the end. A lot of the stories I remember from my childhood provided a life lesson and I like to connect to stories like that now. I loved that you had an animal, a human, and a plant all have different roles and characteristics in your story. I was not expecting the tree to start talking. It made me laugh! I guess I was reading it and thought that the tree would have a really deep and loud voice and he was talking to a litte puppy. Im glad the puppy wasn't scared of the big tree and they became friends! Everyone loves an unexpected friendship and I agree, don't be too quick to judge someone.
Hi Sydney!
ReplyDeleteI must say that after reading your portfolio I was quite amazed! You did a great thing by leaving the main characters of each story the same, only changing the body of the story itself. This can be shown here in the first story of Pygmalion. I like how the characters were essentially the same except you turned the story around and twisted a few things such as making the girl an actual person who is cursed to turn to stone at the break of day. This is an amazing writing technique you used. I see that there is a different font used at the bottom of the first story and that may be by accident, but it could be changed to make everything fit all together. Also proofreading your portfolio could do wonders as I caught a few grammar mistakes that can be fixed quite easily! Overall I really enjoyed reading your stories and look forward to more of your writing!
Hey there again, Sydney!
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time around reading your portfolio. I was excited to check out the stories that you have been working on over the course of the semester. I think you are a great writer, and it really shows with the amount of creativeness you use. I liked the most recent story on your portfolio a lot. I think that "The Book" had a really cool plot and storyline. I know that you are most likely finished with writing for the semester. However, I think there are some really cool things that you could do with that story. There are so many directions that you could take when writing the sequel. It would be really cool if you made Nathan and the Pharaoh become best friends. You could have Nathan teach him about the modern world. You could also make Nathan go down a similar path that the Pharaoh did. I think there are so many cool things that could happen there.
Hi, Sydney! I had read and commented on one of your stories. I saw that the story was included in your portfolio, so I decided to check out your portfolio and see what else you wrote. I had first read the tale of Pygmalion in this class but it had quickly become one of my favorites so I was excited to see that one of your stories was based on the tale. I really like that you had Pygmalion fall in love with her while she was human, it helped set the idea that he didn’t just love her because of her appearance. The concept of the curse was a nice way to incorporate some aspects from the original tale. I liked the moral of the second story and you can never go wrong with a story about a dog. I enjoyed reading your portfolio, you did a great job with these stories.
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